°°oO Valentine's Day: Friend or Foe? Oo°°

I have looked for the one for longer than I'd like to admit. Ever since we're little kids we are taught that there is this Prince Charming out there, looking for us, and that some day, when we grow up, he's magically going to find us and we will live happily ever after. Not so. I grew up to find out there is no Mr. Perfect, that indeed there is no Prince Charming awaiting for a true love's first kiss.

As much a cliché as this may sound on Valentine's Day, this "special day" (I'm still trying to figure out what's all the fuss about it) really got me thinking. All around me are people kissing, and giving each other heart-shaped presents and disgustingly sweet candies and all the crap that usually comes with V-Day. If you must know... I've always kind of hated this "holiday"... well... let's not say hated... too strong... disliked the whole idea behind V-Day... Hallmark sends you tons of ads and "special offers" for V-Day, and you see billboards in the streets boasting how good their matching services are... I've always sort of felt that this day is a single's worst nightmare... everywhere you look, somebody or something is telling you why it is so bad you don't have that special someone to share all your dreams and aspirations with... my oh my, single? Why?... WHY??? How the hell should I know? But I certainly know I don't need a pushy lady telling me years are flying by and that I'm not getting any younger... I happen to have a mirror at home, thank you very much.

But anyway, I started thinking... and as you grow up, and you see all your friends getting married, and having kids, and in serious relationships... you just wonder... Why not me? Is there something wrong with me? Am I too fat? Too thin? Too tall or too short? Ladies (and gents, because I know that even though some of you deny it, you feel just like me) I know this sounds a bit too depressing... (but this is the mere outcome of my being alone for extended periods of time with nothing else to do)… all this has nothing to do with you... you're not too tall, or too thin, or too talkative or too quiet... it's not US, it's THEM... you don't need to have someone by your side "just because"...

Somebody told me that I'm not dating because I'm not ready for it, because deep inside there's something quite "unbalanced", if you will, in me that won't allow me to fall in love with a man... may be... or may it's the fact that for the past years I haven't been able to have a decent conversation with a guy I liked.... sometimes they are handsome, and charming, but when you sit down and try to talk about something other than football, or any other man-friendly sport... puff... it all goes away... and when you meet that special man (or woman) and you feel that it might head somewhere... they leave... and you end up right where you started... sitting at home, watching a movie and eating take out on a Saturday night... Why? Because you just feel too depressed to go out and dance like a maniac and shyly smile back at the looks of pity on people's faces because of all your friends you are the only one who doesn't have a date...

I know what I'm saying may sound discouraging... but people, I still believe... I still believe some day that one, amazing, incredibly romantic man is going to come and sweep me off my feet... to borrow Carrie Bradshaw's words:I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love. And it may not come when I need it the most (because I feel sad, and angry, and ugly and all those nasty feelings we get when we realize we don't have anyone to share all these fears with)… but I know it will come… some day….

I want to be so in love I won't care how stupid the things I say are, I want him to come and whisk me away, I want to have him laying next to me in bed and feel nothing but utter love for him... I want to feel like I'm 15 again and all I have in my stomach are butterflies because I just saw him and he smiled back at me... I want love... real, unpretentious, unconditional love…

So I guess after all, we all look for that one great love that is going to have us head over heels, daydreaming and with a silly little smile on our faces for days. All we need to do is wait... wait... if only it were that easy... I've never been much of a "positive thinking" person... but love is out there ladies and gents, we just need to believe...